a t t i t u d e

I have a feeling this is gonna be kind of a long post. But I'll try not to bore you guys to death haha. 

So if you follow me on Twitter and Snapchat, you would know that I’m currently working. 

And I love my jobs. 

Yes, jobs: plural. I work full time as a scriptwriter, editor and research assistant at a film company here in KK and am also a contributing writer for Breeze Magazine – Sabah’s first lifestyle magazine. 

I am absolutely and completely proud of my jobs.

Most people don’t really know how I came about these jobs though, so here’s a little backstory. If you don’t want to know, or already do, you can just skip right over it. 😊

When I was 18 I took a gap year. I didn’t plan to, it sort of just happened. I didn’t leave immediately after SPM because my parent’s didn’t think I was ready to leave the nest and personally when I look back, I know now that I wasn’t either. But a whole year before going back to official studies was not what we had in mind. Plans changed often. First I was going to apply for teaching school in June. Then I was going for a Psychology diploma in September. But ideas kept falling through as new opportunities arose and different situations appeared. Before you knew it, a whole year had passed and I had gone through 4 different jobs – a cake decorator and cashier at a bakery, a kindergarten Chinese teacher (which coincidentally became the reason I didn’t end up going for the teaching course by the way haha) an administrative staff at a further studies consultation office which also does English tuition along with drama classes and such and last but not least I secured an attachment with a local law firm.

Other things were happening of course such as my surgery (which is a story for a different time), Nationals for floorball and also my church’s musical at the end of the year. It was without a doubt one of the most fulfilling years of my life and I found a lot of who I was and what I wanted to achieve because of that year. 

But, as you can tell from my past experiences, I didn’t have much experience when it came to working in F&B as well as retail. I had a grand scheme to actually experience how little appreciation waiters and store assistants get. I wanted to feel it first-hand so I would know how to better treat these people in the future. Also, I thought it’d be fun. I’d get either free food or discounts at the stores. Haha.

So that was what I set out to apply for when I graduated from college in June and had time to kill before going to Uni this September. 3 places hired me almost immediately. However, it became apparent to me that (obviously) this line of work required my Saturday nights. Now, youth meetings are on Saturday nights.  I’m a cell leader at my church’s youth. And that part of my life means a lot to me because I’ve always kept my generation as well as the generation after me close to my heart. And being able to help, encourage, nurture and impart something in their lives is a great privilege.

Foolishly, I thought that maybe my time as a youth leader was up – just so I could go pursue some idea of gaining more experience. I approached my youth pastor to tell him I may have less time with my girls in the cell than I initially thought I had.

He looked at me funny. Now I know it was because in his heart he knew that it was not time for me to leave. Him being the wise-guy he is then asked me to keep looking and to hope I stumble upon somewhere I want to be that would also allow me Saturday nights off. At this point, one of my closest friends David who was in on the conversation told me I should start writing again. This time, it was my turn to look at somebody funny. Because without him knowing, he was probably the 3^rd person in the span of a few weeks to bring up my writing. I believe that nothing is a coincidence so somewhere in my gut I felt that I really should look into this whole writing thing. So I said, alright. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. And it happened.

Now, even though I’m not in F&B or retail, I’m as happy as can be. I get to spend as much time with my cell girls before I leave and I have 2 jobs that make my heart full. People would think that me being me, I wouldn’t be able to sit still all day in an office just typing and searching on my laptop. I itch to explore and move about. But the beauty of the nature of my job is that despite the hours behind a desk, I’m also blessed enough to be able to go out in the ‘field’. Especially with my job as a contributor to the magazine. I’ve met so many amazing people, and have and will have the chance to go to amazing places as well.

(Speaking of jobs for the magazine, I should be writing a very important one for the upcoming 100^th issue right now but really I’m writing this. Haha. If you ever read this, sorry Dino. But I promise I’m not procrastinating that much. I’m waiting on answers from about a gazillion people so that I can piece it together. So really, you shouldn’t be mad. Haha)

I know those who are on my snapchat will have seen that yesterday I was at the office till this morning. Haha. But you know what, despite it sometimes being stressful and requiring me to push myself, I’m still greatly appreciative of my jobs. They’re preparing me for the future. And I really don’t mind because my colleagues are great people.

Here’s why I brought up my jobs. My bosses are incredible people. Rachel and Dino are two of the loveliest people I have ever had the honour of meeting. Rachel has been kind enough to allow me to take on the Breeze job despite working for her full time. If I ever need to take half a day or even a whole day of just to meet Dino or to get things done for the magazine, she never fails to lets me go with so much grace. If it wasn’t for her, I really wouldn’t be in such an amazing situation.

I don't have any pictures of/with Rachel sadly haha.

As you’ve read earlier or already know, I’ve had many jobs and many bosses. They were all different, great and unique in their own individual ways. But these two really take the cake because most times, it doesn’t even feel like they’re my bosses. It is very refreshing as a young person to feel that someone quite a bit older than me thinks and treats me as an equal and not only that, always has my best interests at heart.

I don’t want you to assume that this has something to do with me bribing them with brownies or etc and I have special privilege (I haven't yet unleashed my baking upon them haha but I plan to soon purely because of gratitude). Really, the two of them are like this with everyone they meet as well as all their staff. I get to write more about how great Dino is as a boss in Breeze’s upcoming 100^th issue which I told you I was working on. So if you want to find out more about him and his office staff, grab August’s issue when it comes out. 😊

Working with Rachel and Dino has really increased my gratefulness and attitude. Don’t get me wrong, technically I’m not a teenager anymore because the word ‘teen’ is out of the word and number which depicts my age. But I think I’m going to need about 4 years to adjust to this whole young adult thing. Haha. Because of that, every now and again I still have a little burst of teenage angst. Just recently I had a heated ‘discussion’ with my parents over dinner. My parents are excellent and I’m very grateful for them as well as blessed to call them mine. But we are all human, and we do disagree sometimes.

After that argument, I had to chastise myself. Firstly, I have a rule. I like to remember that really, we don’t know when our times here on earth are up. What’s gonna happen if I argue with somebody and the next time I hear about them, they’ve passed on? Dramatic, I know. But it changes my attitude. This way, I teach myself to be more understanding as well as more patient and happy with everyone around me. Spreading positivity is important to me.

Secondly, I actually owe so much to my parents. When I was leading cell last week, we had a new girl in our group. She was only 10 but we tried to encourage her to participate anyways. I asked the girls to come up with 5 things they were grateful for that week. The first thing the 10 year old said to me was “How can I be grateful if there’s nothing to be thankful for?”

I won’t lie to you, I was so shocked I almost couldn’t answer her. How a 10 year old could answer so maturely as well as so straightforwardly kind of shook my momentum for a bit. But I guess that that’s the beauty of kids, huh? They’re painfully blunt.

The truth is that, yes it is easy to believe that there is hardly anything to be grateful for. Why? Because we’re used to this life. We’re used to having a roof over our heads as well as food in our stomachs when we need it. We’ve grown accustomed to the little blessings we have in life. But when you look at the small things in life. It is so easy to be grateful.

I’m grateful that my parents try their hardest to provide me with the best education possible.

I’m grateful for the rain over the past few evenings – a nice change from the heat a few weeks ago.

I’m grateful that my parents insisted on my first 2^nd hand car being a manual because you know what? It’s pretty impressive for a female to drive one kinda by choice. I pride myself in being able to drive a manual decently well as well as happily so.

I’m thankful for all the times my dad dropped me at the lobby to walk to church so I wouldn’t have to walk a far distance if he couldn’t get a parking space nearby.

I’m thankful for all the times I liked/needed something from the store and my parents went out of their way to get it for me. In monatary terms we are not rich, really. But they love me so much that they oblige and spoil me anyways. 

I’m grateful that I’m surrounded by amazing friends who make me laugh and are always encouraging and honest with me.

Sorry if you're not in these pictures. There are just too many to post. Doesn't mean I love you any less haha.

There truly are too many things to be grateful for, and that’s why I believe your attitude really determines how your life works out. Determination is good. But what I believe gets you further is humility as well as gratefulness. A realisation that sometimes you don’t deserve what you get – good or bad and yet there is still so much to be happy and content about. You don’t need to think too hard about it. You don’t have to be rich, popular or what the world deems as beautiful to be happy. Happiness can simply be found in contentment. Of course I’m not asking you to settle for second best. Work hard, yes. But stay humble.

😊

On a slightly lighter note, am I the only one who is completely sick of the whole drama between Kim K and her squad vs TaySwift’s? Legit, I’m so annoyed. Every time I see something related to it on my timelines I subconsciously sigh. I didn’t even realise until someone asked me why I sighed.

The drama is alright I guess. I mean, good for them they’re getting publicity and whatever and yadayada. But you know what really grinds my gears? (ha, meme reference) The fact that the media as well as the social world are tearing apart the celebrities that are sick of the drama and just want to get something more positive to trend. It is easy to assume that Selena and CGM sided Tay because they simply didn’t agree with Kim and maybe they are lowkey doing that but what they were saying was really relevant: asking others to use their voices for better purposes than ripping apart each other’s careers.

 And I admire them for that. But does the media see it that way? Nope, the media twists it around, which turns those who are against Tay, against them as well. Which is so unfair. Makes me kind of sick.

Attitudes and perspectives people. Attitudes and perspectives.

Anyways, if you made it this far into my blog post without skipping anything and without getting bored, congratulations. It’s pretty lengthy. Sorry about that. You are now rewarded with its end. Haha.

Till the next post,

x

Jess

f r e s h

Okay, so I've spent way too much time editing my layout. You know when you keep rewriting or looking at a word for a long period of time, the word starts looking weird/like its spelled wrong? That was me, editing my blog layout.

Legit, I've been editing and reediting my biography, my blog URL, my fonts, backgrounds. Trying to make it look like I didn't even try, and it still looks good. You feel me?

I'd try to fool myself into believing that it's because I want you - my beloved readers who realistically are just my friends and family - to feel comfortable, whimsical and content with my choice of font and background.

The truth is that I think I'm nervous. This is a total revamp. I haven't done personal blogging since I was like I don't know 12? Haha. But in recent events it's become evident to me that writing is something that I shouldn't give up. I was once passionate enough about it to ask my friends and teachers to challenge me into writing impromptu fictional stories in a day from one word.

Jess, you said personal blogging then you talk about fictional stories??? 

Yeah, okay I'm a bit scatterbrained right now. So I'll try to explain my thoughts as clearly as possible through text. (For someone who believes she expresses herself better through written word than spoken word, I'm doing very well at contradicting myself aren't I. lol.)

I didn't start a totally new blog because writing inspirational fictional pieces is still something very close to my heart and I would love to continue one day. But I'm starting out with personal blogging again because story-writing is a muscle I have not worked out in a long time and I'm VERY rusty. Most of what I've written recently has just made me question if I even had a gift in the first place. (ha)

The hope is that by getting in the habit of writing more frequently, fictional or not, I'll begin to get back in the swing of things and the word flow will come easier.

So thank you, to those who voted on my Twitter poll encouraging me to get back into blogging.
Thank you, to those who found my blog url through my instagram and twitter, read my posts from 3 years ago, and asked me why I stopped.
You guys are the reason this is happening again and I'm thankful. Scared, but thankful.

I'll try to blog at least once a week. If I don't, I'm sure Abi will push me to it ha. (Thanks love, you were my main motivation.)

I hope this blogpost was not to cliche and cringy. 

x
Jess